Survey. Seattle. Socializing. Sizzling.

So the poll has been closed for awhile and the results were kinda all over the place. Only one answer got zero votes. The question was about what kind person you'd prefer to see your ex with. The results were as follows:

a hideous person. 3 (25%)
a frumpy/average person. 0 (0%)
a super gorgeous person. 2 (16%)
someone who's good looking, but not necessarily better looking than me. 2 (16%)
no one. ever. 2 (16%)
it doesn't matter to me what their next partner is like. 3 (25%)

I think I picked someone who's good looking, but not necessarily better looking than me. For those of you who don't care what their ex's new bfs/gfs look like, good for you. Haha.

Speaking of ex's, I saw my ex (the one that never paid the parking ticket he incurred while borrowing my car) while I was visiting Seattle. I was actually in Tacoma because my friend and I LOVE shopping at this really sketchy mall called B&I (click for article). And we were driving back north when I happened to look out the window and see a dude getting out of his car. We drove right past him and I said "That was Isaac." She slowed down a bit and I yelled "Keep driving!" and then proceeded to have a heart attack.

Anyway, besides that heart attack incident Seattle was good. I ate too much, didn't get enough sleep and did nothing productive but it was wonderful. I got to eat Korean food, see people walking cute puppies, get drunk in an awkward situation and still be tipsy the next morning, eat Molly Moon's ice cream, lots of thrift store shopping, and even visit the capitol building in Olympia on the way home!


The lovely view during the day.


Beautiful nighttime view.


That's a lot of bulgogi.






That chandelier looked way bigger in real life than it does in this picture.


Oh yeah, and also went to Shipwreck Beads for the first time. It wasn't as great as I thought it would be.

Need to get to work sewing some custom aprons. Happy Memorial Day!

frustrated

I am so hungry. I don't like to talk a lot about eating/weight issues here because it seems trivial, but I am really irritated I have a pair of jeans that don't fit me anymore. Honestly I fucking hate working out. It never works for me as a means of weight loss because it makes me SO hungry and I end up building a ton of muscle and putting on fat too because I eat so much more. I'm trying to cut calories without going too crazy about it, but that's hard for me to do too.

Today is sunny, hopefully that will help my mood.

Today I have an "intake appointment" at a mental health clinic. I am not sure what this means, but I think it has something to do with changing therapists. Not excited at all about that. Also not excited about how my mom wants to go with me and then go to thrift shopping afterward. Meh. She might buy me stuff though, so maybe I should have her come along. And I do hate driving ...

Stupid.

I started writing some letters to friends that I've said I'd send fun surprises to. If anyone wants a snailmail letter and probably stickers and maybe some other fun stuff, send me your address to moenoep[at]hotmail[com]. I just bought a bunch of stamps and I love sending and receiving mail.


I took these pictures a few days ago when I was out sunbathing. Hope it's another day like this ...

Lunch.

I need to stop complaining about my body. If I'm not skinny enough, it's not like I need to look far to figure out why. Today's lunch:







chicken katsu stuffed with gouda w/sweet red peppers. on salad of cabbage w/miso vinaigrette, yam, green bean, onion and shrimp tempura. henry weinhard's private reserve.

So good. And fun to take pictures of too. What's the last thing you ate?

"ugh."

I ended up getting a little less than 5 hours of sleep last night (this morning. yesterday morning? my schedule is so f-ed up) before my therapy appointment. Usually this means I kind of sit there and stare off past her a lot. But I was actually quite alert and chatty.

We didn't talk about religion as we'd planned to. I decided I wanted to talk about

a) My mom
b) My issues with eating
c) My dad's issues with my eating
d) MY issues with my mom's eating

Hahaha. On my way home from the counselor I stopped by Goodwill to look for fabric. While I was shopping, a girl complimented my shoes and it made me smile. I bought some awesome fabric and was planning on going home and immediately whipping up a dress or something but when I pulled into the driveway my dad was outside because he had just gotten the mail. He works at the hospital as a chaplain. I opened my car door and had one foot out ...

"I just saw Jill. She would really like to see you. Today would be a good day to do that, she's having a good day."

"Oh. Okay." I said and put my foot back in my car and closed the door and drove to the hospital. I met my friend Jill when I was working as a caregiver, and she was one of the people I took care of. She's only like 61 but has a lot of health probz and she's one of the coolest people I know. I kept telling her I'd come over and watch a movie with her or something but I didn't. One or the other of us was always having a "I'm-laying-in-bed-crying-and-don't-want-to-see-anyone" day. But she's been in the hospital awhile and even spent two weeks up at Harborview and was about to die. And I feel like such a shitty friend.

I bought her a stupid stuffed duck because I honestly thought "If it were me, I'd rather have a stuffed animal than flowers because I would probably be lying in that hospital bed crying every night and then I'd have something to cuddle with." OH and she's blind so I figured a card wouldn't be the best idea.

Apparently though, she likes being in the hospital because she's been there so often the nurses and she know eachother and she didn't seem too down about the sitch. I went to her house and picked up some stuff for her and all in all spent about 3 hours with her.

I hadn't eaten yet so I told her I had to go home and eat.

I went home and heated a can of soup. Then I started feeling really nauseous and I passed out from 8pm-2am. I still feel nauseous. And sad. And awake. When I first woke up my face kept curling up into that awful "I'm-gonna-cry" grimace that happens. But I didn't cry very much. And then what did I do? I texted my ex boyfriend (not the recent leaves-the-toilet-seat-up one but the Left-Me-For-Japan-for-Two-Years one) and I said "I want to smell you so bad." WTF? I very frequently really really hate the things I do.

Ugh.

PS Gilt.com had a Bally sale recently and they had THESE shoes. Which I actually almost bought at Nordstrom when they were new because I'd seen them online, but thankfully the Nordstrom in Tacoma did not have them (duh) and while they could have ordered them for me, there was no way I was paying $600 that I did not have for a pair of shoes that wouldn't even be instant gratification. Then I saw them at Nordstrom Rack like a year later, but just when I was about to purchase them THEN, I realized one of the shoes I had was a 7 and one was a 6 1/2. And the white leather was different colors on each shoe. Awk-ward. Gilt.com did not have my size but it was a bittersweet reminder of what could have been. Sigh.

Clutch #3. stressed + lazy = more stress.

Ugggh. I know I have bills I need to pay and I'm not really sure when everything is due and I'm too lazy/afraid to check. I keep putting it off. Tomorrow I WILL do it (maybe?).

My mom came in my room today to talk to me about something probably lame and pointless and said "Cool music!" in reference to Portishead.





I sewed my third clutch. I made it with thrifted fabric with ruffles (of course) and a small little chain that I strung with glass beads. I found an old shoebox of sewing notions (I love that word "notions") and used some snaps that I think are from the 60's or so to use as closures for my clutches. The package says it was 29 cents for 7 snaps.

Some beezy who bought some of my clothes off ebay has still not paid me yet ):

I finished my owl ATC's for a swap-bot swap.


To Do List for Tomorrow:
post office (send ebay packages and possibly buy bette davis stamps)
buy diet coke
call doctor re: wellbutrin
laundry
exercise of some kind (since I apparently cannot stop eating, I must start exercising)

stupid worries. weight gain.

Lately I can. Not. Stop. Eating.




It's ridiculous and I'm sure I'm gaining weight which is stressing me out. Too bad my coping mechanism for stress is eating. I spent way too much money at the craft store yesterday so I'd better put it to good use. I feel like I can't focus though, because I have all these ideas of things I would like to do ... For instance, tonight, should I sew some ruffly underwear? A purse? Dolls? Should I do some more watercolors? Should I take some reference photos and start my still life series? Should I just take a nap?

Here is an average day in the life of me:
10am-1pm: wake up, check google analytics, my eBay, myspace, hotmail then go back to bed for bit
12pm-1pm: obligations/errands such as therapy, post office, bank, force me to get out of bed.
1pm-4pm: errands, shopping, eating
5pm-3am: eat, internet, make art/crafts
4am-7am: go to bed.

I guess my schedule is pretty fucked up. But the fact that I actually sketch or sew or think about art is pretty cool. It kind of scares me too though, I keep waiting for it to end. Like when you are learning to ride a bike and you get up and going ... but you know at any second you might fall over and bite it.

A potential job keeps calling me and I keep not answering. My friend Dana calls me like clockwork on her lunch break every day (i don't answer), which without fail, wakes me up. Ugh.

I think underwear sewing is winning out.