satori, grandma's black eye, stephen colbert and other stuff too

Well to be honest, I've found my zen, or satori, or whatever buddhist word is appropriate here. I am pretty well in the hole but I've got nothing to lose. So I'm done stressing about it and am relatively quite a bit more peaceful.

And thanks to someone who is always there for me when I need him, I am nibbling on parmesan Goldfish. So good.

My grandma tripped and fell in a restaurant yesterday when she went to lunch with "the girls" after church. Apparently her face is pretty messed up and she can't even open one eye. I really don't know why I don't feel more terrible about this.

Tomorrow I must go visit Jill in the hospital (seriously Sarah. You must do this!). I feel like such a flaky friend. Ugh. And today I must do situps, pushups and arm curls(maybe). /: I've lost 3 of the 10 pounds I've recently gained but I also lost my abs which were just starting to be defined when I lost all motivation to exercise. But summer is pretty close and I dunno, every year I think THIS is the year I'm going to have a perfect body for summer. Although I don't even know where/when I will be exposing my body as I have no social life. I guess I could tan in my parents' back yard (:

Oh and I've been listening to Stephen Colbert's "I Am American and So Can You" on audiobook and he is hilarious. Some of my favorite quotes so far:

You can't spell parentry without 'try.' And you also can't spell emotional abuse without 'bus.' And that's why I don't take public transportation.

Yes, I consider the wallpaper industry part of the media. It has the word "paper" in it.

To their credit Mormonism's founders did something other self-proclaimed prophets throughout history had never thought of; They lived in America.

oh AND PS: This made me laugh. Karl Lagerfeld on Heidi Klum: "I don't know Heidi Klum. She was never known in France. Claudia Schiffer also doesn't know who she is."

oh and Wolfgang Joop calls her fat. click here

Really Embarrassing Moment

Oh god. I had forgot this even happened to me today until just a minute ago. I'm not even sure how to tell this story.

Okay.

Whisper this over and over: Sarah ... Sarah ... Sarah... Sarah ...

Did you do it? Outloud? You have to do it outloud.

Obviously that is my name. And if I happened to be in a public place, say, in line at the post office, it would be only natural for me to turn and look for the person who kept whispering my name right?

I turned to look and saw about three people. I didn't recognize any of the faces. Plus, none of their mouths were moving. Yet I still heard my name being whispered over and over.

WTF?

Who the hell was whispering my name??

oh. OHH. OH NO!!!

I am the worst person in the world!

It was an older gentleman's oxygen! The sound of his oxygen supply was coming out in little bursts and somehow each little spurt of air made a sound that I swear to god sounded exactly like Sarah. Sarah. Sarah. Sarah. Sarah.

I realized my embarrassing situation and accidentally made eye contact with the old man for a split second before turning to face forward and willing the line to move faster.

I'm sure all the other people in line were like "That bitch is STARING at the poor old man with the oxygen tank! Learn some manners, woman!"

omg. Most awkward moment I've had in a long long time.